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if If I were to write you a letter
I know just what I would say
But there's nowhere for me to send it
No address for "up up and away"
If I were to tell you a secret
How would I know if you shared
How will I know you won't gossip
When you're so high in the air
If I were to hold you a moment
My life would then be complete
I know that this cannot happen
As broken hearted I sit and weep
But in the letter I write you
I'll lay all my secrets bare
And pray one day you'll hold me
When I am way up in the air
this time last year Frozen, I questioned
Starred in disbelief
This time last year
I was dying from grief
How are you here now
I saw you depart
Your eyes beyond soulless
It fractured my heart
The pain of your leaving
Cut me right through
Yet now I can hold you
I know you feel me too
Your eyes have their sparkle
Yet show sadness to me
I can't comprehend it
But it's not make believe
I don't want to blink yet
Or lose you from my sight
I don't know how this happened
But you won't leave me tonight
I fall slowly into
Your opening embrace
It shouldn't have happened
It wasn't your place
You tell me you're sorry
That I shouldn't be here
That fate has a cruel hand
And it's been a hard year
I look at you, puzzled
I don't know what you mean
You came here to see me
It must be a dream
I see your heart breaking
Through eyes glassed with tears
You're mourning like I was
This time last year
I back away slowly
Shaken and cold
I'm too young to be here
Not yet thirty years old
I don't know how it happened
How could I not
sinking slow My tears are falling down like rain
Trying to erase the pain
The crushing weight of broken dreams
I'm tearing open at the seams
The hope I felt now gone to dust
Watered eyes turned souls to rust
The ebbing flow of my desires
Burnt down, crumbled in seas of fire
My dam was built too strong to break
In times when the world was awake
But as it fractured in hours of darkness
My heart opened to the brutal starkness
This vulnerability with nothing to hold
Sends me deeper into the icy cold
Stabbing pains I fall beneath
Floating under a blackened reef
Numbness smoothers as I sink deeper
Silence drawing me to my keeper
life...The human condition
A curse it may seem
To live out our dreams
But reality is different
Its plan holds fast
We out live our dreams
As we run from our past
Pause for a moment
And it all moves too slow
There are changes around us
But we can't let go
The battle is constant
The end ever in sight
Reaching out, grasping
To conclude this life
persistenceCreate a destination
Keep the goal in sight
Never fail to remember
The reason why you fight
Everyday is a new start
A step away from pain
Ever nearing the healing
Happiness isn't something to feign
One day you will get there
You may not realise
But along life's twisted journey
There's more to share than goodbyes
366So tonight's a time for changing, for making life renew
A time to remember what you lost and recall what you outgrew
A time to dream of where you'd like to be next New Year's Eve
And laugh as you realise last year's dreams are still far from achieved
So much for resolutions when you don't know where to start
It can't be done on your own just with your strength of heart
I sit here in this empty house and think about my year
And wonder how the life I'd dreamt had become so unclear
Somewhere along the way I tripped and fell right out of step
Loneliness consuming me, I'm so out of my depth
Now it seems that what I need is always out of reach
Practice as I might I'll never give the winner's speech
No amount of flailing arms or fingertips outstretched
Could save me from this nothingness, this slow uncertain death
So happy year to you and yours I cry with a hollow soul
To say it again in 366 days is my own personal goal
pointlessI'm tired of waiting
To make life take shape
I'm fed up of failing
For something that's great
I'm dreaming of peace
Fulfilling in every way
It's hopeless this feeling
With every new day
whenI wish I hadn't got out of bed this morning
Or the day before
Because every time I get back up
I'm knocked down to the floor
This cycle is so frustrating
How is there no escape?
From a world lacking in justice
I cannot tolerate
How is there such imbalance?
When will karma take effect?
When will good reap its fortune
And the lesser learn lives of regret?
everEver wish you could start over
The day, the month or year.
That all the wrongs could be turned around
That your path would become clear?
Ever wish it wasn't your life
The one you live each day
That it resembled more the dreams in your mind
That all of reality could drift away?
Ever wish things would change
From where they're headed now
That you were loved and happy and free
That all could be fine somehow?
Every wish your wish could come true
That it isn't just a desperate plea
That knowing your heart could make a difference
That it would change willingly?
BeautyI'd rather wear flowers in my hair,
forming a delicate chain
Than diamonds around my neck,
covering my tender blue veins
For with every precious petal
and every lucent leaf
I'm a living lesson
teaching beauty can not be bought
But rather it grows and flourishes
with every living thought
Expensive LiesI sit and stare at the toilet bowl.
A guy I know is bulimic.
When we compliment him
I see the twist of agony in his eyes
as his brain reprograms it
to sound like an expensive lie
that costs him another tear
in his tattered dignity.
Friends hurry to him,
to reassure him, to love him.
They tell him how beautiful he is.
We didn't know him before,
but he's definitely not fat now.
We whisper things in concern like;
body dysmorphic disorder.
'I know you'll never believe me
but you are so gorgeous -
not just on the inside.' Not just.
And they're right, I join in,
because they are right to say it
because it happens to be true -
he is stunning. Not just on the outside.
And we want him to see himself
the way we see him, beautiful.
And I join in because
I've felt that strangle of pain
in my stomach, bowels and belly,
when someone used to tell me lies.
So I know how he feels.
Only, he is beautiful on the outside
and I'm not.
He's not seeing reality in the mirror
and I am.
And people rush to correc
Fearing MeI'm not afraid to cry
and I do it
a lot more than you would guess.
It isn't always sadness,
I just feel like I need to,
feel everything so strongly
that it's the only way
to let go for a moment
because if I hold on for too long,
if my grip gets too tight
I'll break myself,
I will break you like glass
and we will both
I am a good guy
who hasn't yet found a way
to show it,
I am a good guy
who still identifies with the villains,
hides everything important
anything to throw you
off of my trail....
and I don't know why,
but I am trying.
Maybe I think
that if you could see me,
the real me,
you wouldn't want to look anymore,
want to be anywhere near me,
and the idea
that I can't add up
to be enough for you,
to be enough for me,
is so fucking heart breaking
I can hardly fathom it.
I can't say that it doesn't hurt
because it does,
it hurts a whole hell of a lot,
I've come to depend on pain,
to befriend misery
you're just a question marki met you so long ago
but back then our bodies were made of metal
and nowadays they’re made of the blades of
grass and dirt settling
underneath my fingernails.
my fingers are having a hard time
reaching the keys and
my organs are shaking mostly because i haven’t
eaten in two days but also
because i’m worried about the things you're doing to yourself.
we didn’t meet very long ago at all but it feels like forever ago
and you say you don’t know me
that you don’t know anyone
but baby you're turning into a skeleton and i’m peeling back my skin
to try and reach my bones, just like you.
i hope you're happy,
i’m covering the hard wood floors now
the bits and pieces splattered.
they are calling it a suicide but i’m calling it
a way to see my brain and
just how dark it has become, and honestly
i don’t want you to try and see about your’s.
i’m mourning the loss of my heart and wish you weren’t either -
A Kiss not Forgotten (a special tribute)Like a frost spread across valleys silent and dreary,
ever my longing lost in shimmers of shadow & wind
And days bled into years, the seas became deserts
But thoughts of thee would not perish
Thru memories untamed I staggered far and long;
upon solemn nights lit by the torch of your soul
O’ how deep I miss your fragrant cheer ..
Of warm evenings shared across Lake’s reverie,
watching horizons journey into Autumn’s dream
— wherest our hearts once bloomed a fabled sky
Those passions shared will forsake me not
Lest the Moon would bestow solace upon my ache:
I will lay marooned, haunted by thy seraphic-figure,
Or the ever fleeting caress of your gaze ...
So my soul shall yield to this mythic abyss; –
as I peer from my carriage to Nirvana
And thou away, from my arms, the Sun weeps
Unto eternity—my dear beloved, we are entwined
Forever our footprints cast in golden firmament
A kiss not forgotten in a ballet of light softly falling
I now bear the want
Black hole BulimicThe Composition:
I birth poems — not amaranths
in graveyards — not gardens.
sows seeds of doubt
into skeleton weeds.
A farmer plucks the bones
from Apollo's hyacinth; his
I binge on broken
cracked collectors of rocks,
of pebbles kidnapped
from barren beaches:
where crooked kings
buried in books whose
pages creak to crickets
in an abandoned abyss
of an attic—caskets on
an antiquated shelf. I
choke on the dust and
twitch in recoil.
The bickering sky
A cloud coughs—
The clock's scythe hand
swivels to the beckoning
twelve. Spastic ticking—
each bleak stroke
of a midnight heart.
The sundials do not work
now. The vampires know
I kill poems—
obligation steam machineas always
grinding the cankerous
of your cognition
until the lack of compassion
leaves you unlubricated
seized frozen bound stuck
only then the machine of
your fears will burst to steam
squealing to suckle
at the genius of my
the unsung soiled hero
of middle-class ferocity
savior of the undeserving
winding slowly deftly dying
martyr to the self-justified cause
as love for summer fades.late morning-
there's the tease of
snow in the clouds,
in the air, and the trees
have finally lost their
the sunlight is damp.
alters the room
as it graces my skin,
and for once
i don't wake up right away.
instead i lay
between my memory bitten
sheets, and i think
about all the times he said
that he hated winter.
i don't remember
when i began to love it,
and i don't care.
nothing can shatter that.
for the first time i feel...As long as you're mine
My fears can subside
I know this is my purpose
For only you I abide
As long as you're mine
I can't fall asleep
Wasting moments without you
Our love is too deep
As long as you're mine
The world melts away
The life of not belonging
A distant memory at bay
As long as you're mine
With your lips to kiss
I'm not the girl you go for
Yet this realness is bliss
As long as you're mine
All but gravity I defy
Your arms grounding me firmly
It feels too wickedly right
Keep in Touch!
^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More