If I were to write you a letter
I know just what I would say
But there's nowhere for me to send it
No address for "up up and away"
If I were to tell you a secret
How would I know if you shared
How will I know you won't gossip
When you're so high in the air
If I were to hold you a moment
My life would then be complete
I know that this cannot happen
As broken hearted I sit and weep
But in the letter I write you
I'll lay all my secrets bare
And pray one day you'll hold me
When I am way up in the air
Frozen, I questioned
Starred in disbelief
This time last year
I was dying from grief
How are you here now
I saw you depart
Your eyes beyond soulless
It fractured my heart
The pain of your leaving
Cut me right through
Yet now I can hold you
I know you feel me too
Your eyes have their sparkle
Yet show sadness to me
I can't comprehend it
But it's not make believe
I don't want to blink yet
Or lose you from my sight
I don't know how this happened
But you won't leave me tonight
I fall slowly into
Your opening embrace
It shouldn't have happened
It wasn't your place
You tell me you're sorry
That I shouldn't be here
That fa
My tears are falling down like rain
Trying to erase the pain
The crushing weight of broken dreams
I'm tearing open at the seams
The hope I felt now gone to dust
Watered eyes turned souls to rust
The ebbing flow of my desires
Burnt down, crumbled in seas of fire
My dam was built too strong to break
In times when the world was awake
But as it fractured in hours of darkness
My heart opened to the brutal starkness
This vulnerability with nothing to hold
Sends me deeper into the icy cold
Stabbing pains I fall beneath
Floating under a blackened reef
Numbness smoothers as I sink deeper
Silence drawing me to my keeper
The human condition
A curse it may seem
Constantly yearning
To live out our dreams
But reality is different
Its plan holds fast
We out live our dreams
As we run from our past
Pause for a moment
And it all moves too slow
There are changes around us
But we can't let go
The battle is constant
The end ever in sight
Reaching out, grasping
To conclude this life
Create a destination
Keep the goal in sight
Never fail to remember
The reason why you fight
Everyday is a new start
A step away from pain
Ever nearing the healing
Happiness isn't something to feign
One day you will get there
You may not realise
But along life's twisted journey
There's more to share than goodbyes
So tonight's a time for changing, for making life renew
A time to remember what you lost and recall what you outgrew
A time to dream of where you'd like to be next New Year's Eve
And laugh as you realise last year's dreams are still far from achieved
So much for resolutions when you don't know where to start
It can't be done on your own just with your strength of heart
I sit here in this empty house and think about my year
And wonder how the life I'd dreamt had become so unclear
Somewhere along the way I tripped and fell right out of step
Loneliness consuming me, I'm so out of my depth
Now it seems that what I need is always out of
I'm tired of waiting
Of wishing
Of wanting
Of trying
To make life take shape
I'm fed up of failing
Of losing
Of falling
Of fighting
For something that's great
I'm dreaming of peace
Of love
Of pleasure
Of life
Fulfilling in every way
It's hopeless this feeling
This dreaming
And longing
I'm fading
With every new day
I wish I hadn't got out of bed this morning
Or the day before
Because every time I get back up
I'm knocked down to the floor
This cycle is so frustrating
How is there no escape?
From a world lacking in justice
I cannot tolerate
How is there such imbalance?
When will karma take effect?
When will good reap its fortune
And the lesser learn lives of regret?
Ever wish you could start over
The day, the month or year.
That all the wrongs could be turned around
That your path would become clear?
Ever wish it wasn't your life
The one you live each day
That it resembled more the dreams in your mind
That all of reality could drift away?
Ever wish things would change
From where they're headed now
That you were loved and happy and free
That all could be fine somehow?
Every wish your wish could come true
That it isn't just a desperate plea
That knowing your heart could make a difference
That it would change willingly?
I need to learn my lesson
I need to change my ways
I need to become callous
And careless with my days
I need to stop believing
That you could put me first
When you are your priority
You can't get any worse
I need to end this cycle
This path that ends in pain
Because every chance I give you
It always stays the same
I need to stop this aching
To close my heart to you
Because it can't keep recovering
From what you put it through